…..without being totally predictable and talking about sun, warm weather and lounging around in the sand like a beached jellyfish.
As is probably quite evident throughout this blog, I am seriously itching to get back over to Oz. The sooner the better, before I start hanging out at SheBu Walkabout and pining for The Footy Show.
Here, then, are 10 things which the UK just doesn’t do as well as its convict cousin:
- Masters Choc Milk. It’s really tasty, has funny adverts and is killer for a hangover.
- Solo. It’s really tasty, has funny adverts and is killer for a hangover.
- Kebabs. They’re a lot better in Australia, and can actually be classified as a meal – as opposed to something that you buy when you’re drunk to smear on your face and throw at buses.
- Bus journeys. Everyone says hello to the bus driver when they get on and when they get off again. No-one is that polite here. We even have to have signs on London buses reminding us not to beat up the driver…
- Local TV ads. I used to really like seeing an advert from the local butcher on TV. You’d be sitting eating dinner and all of a sudden Fred would pop up on your screen out of nowhere! “Gahhh!!! It’s Fred!!! I bought pork sausages from him the other day!!! Go Fred!!!”
- Sunday sessions. People are a lot more sensible about it over in Oz – as in you’ve finished drinking by 7pm, you’re hungover by 10pm, and therefore fine for Monday morning. If I drink on a Sunday in England I need a month off work afterwards.
- Local Newspapers. They have sports match reports saying things like “Steve persevered like a wounded buffalo…” I swear that’s a line I read in a match report in a Bunbury paper. The Metro never compares people to wounded buffalo.
- Thongs (aka flip flops). Thongs are not a big enough part of life in the UK. My feet are happiest when they’re out in the open, wafting in the breeze. Shoes are rubbish. And please don’t even get me started on socks.
- Back Country Pubs. They’re awesome. There is a severe lack of Friday night Meat Raffles in London. How have the big London nightlife honchos missed out on this great concept? You buy a beer, buy a raffle ticket, and could possibly win a box of raw meat! I’m in.
I was having a bit of trouble deciding on #10, and trusty Aussie Sam stepped in with some things that he missed. This is the one I concurred with the most, although yes, Sam – iced coffee and KFC sides are something I miss too. And I agree that a tub of baked beans does not constitute a side dish.
10. Drive through bottle shops. As we are all quite enamoured with convenience these days, and don’t want to have to move unnecessarily, drive throughs are a revelation. Fast food drive throughs are great when you’re hungover as hell and still wearing slippers and don’t want to face civilisation. But drive through bottle shops are something else entirely. Firstly, it doesn’t seem to bother anyone that you can buy three cases of beer and a bottle of rum when you’re behind the wheel of a car. Secondly, you drive in, roll down your window, and someone asks you what you want, goes to get it, and loads it onto your back seat. You only have to open the window and utter your request. That’s it.
I promise you, it’s the future.